If I had Known!!!

Well it has been a little over a year since my last post & let me just start off by saying, WOW it has been a very LONG trialsom year!!!



The title of this post is "IF I HAD KNOWN" because if you read my previous post (last October) I talk a lot about Trails & Tribulations that the Lord has us walk through, and this Past year has definitely been just that!



If you scroll down my blog page you will see a "new" blue eyed precious little boy named Braydon! Yes, we have had our 3rd boy! :)

Let me rewind to the beginning of 2010.... We found out the end of January that we were expecting or 3rd child to our surprise, since Jamie & I had really thought that we would not be having anymore biological kids of our own, but the Lord had other plans!



It was a definite SURPRISE to us & it was really hard for me to get really excited, because I new that if this pregnancy played out like my first 2 boys, then we had a long road ahead of us! And it was truly a very hard & long 9 months! I threw up every single day up until delivery & was very very nausea's and sick. (with my other boys I was extremely sick, but it lasted only about 4 1/2 months) It was not only hard on me, but so hard on Jamie & the other two boys, because I literally could not be the Mom & wife that I normally was & it took a lot of patience and love from everyone.



With that being said, the Lord really revealed & showed me many things about Himself & about who He made me to be during this past year! I grew in ways that I might have never grown, if I hadn't been so broken & week on a daily bases before Him!



One day in particular sticks in my mind & I think always will.........I was somewhere around my 3rd month of pregnancy and was pretty much bed ridden (since all I did all day long was get sick & truthfully could not move from the coach), when I felt like the Lord said "Christy, I know you are at one of your weakest points right now, and you feel very discouraged, helpless and lonely, but I want you to worship me & praise me through this", and right then I got off the coach & fell on my knees before Him and just wept & worshiped Him! It was truly just an amazing & intimate time with the Lord.



Another life lesson that I learned was obedience! I knew as soon as we got pregnant that I would want to find out whether this was going to be a boy or a girl. We had not found out with either of the other boys what they were, and while I had LOVED that surprise factor, my spirit just really wanted and needed to know what the sex of this baby was going to be. I told Jamie that I really wanted to find out, and he was really reluctant, but then said ok......Well that changed too!

One day I was sitting on the coach sick (little to your surprise, right?) and I had been thinking a lot about finding out the sex and getting really excited and anxious & right then the Lord spoke to me as plain as I have ever heard His voice say to me...... "No Christy, you are not to find out the sex of this baby, I want you to totally trust in what I have already planned & I don't want you to find out so that you can "cope" I want you to just "trust". See in my mind because we had already had 2 boys, there was that longing in my heart to have a daughter, and I thought that if I found out what we were going to have then I could just come to terms & cope with it ahead of time..... but the Lord had other plans & wanted me to just trust. Let's just say that it was extremely hard to not find out and to just surrender those hopes & dreams to Him!


Fast forwarding to delivery day!!! I woke up at 1:00 am (3 1/2 weeks early from my due date) with my water breaking! Jamie & I got the other 2 boys up, got ourselves ready & headed to the hospital. Because Dillon & Connor were both c-sections, we already had a c-section scheduled. As we were heading into the c-section room, Jamie & I were really praying that the Holy Spirit would just be very real & heavy upon us in the delivery room & that His presence would be so prevalent. We were both very nervous about how our emotions might play out if they announced it's a Boy! We did not want to have an ounce of disappointment and we just did not want to be faced with that emotion. As Jamie sat there and held my hand, we prayed & cried together as they were preparing to deliver the baby and the Lord's presence was definitely very thick in that room. When we heard the first little cries & they announced "it's a Boy" we both just looked at each other and cried in amazement & love for this little precious boy, named Braydon!


As I don't understand & fully know why the Lord wanted us to just trust & obey in not finding out, or even why I had to be so sick the whole 9 months; looking back I am so glad that we waited because something amazing and awesome happened in that delivery room, one that we might not have experienced, if we had not listened to what the Lord was asking us. And He was soooooo faithful and really allowed us not to be disappointed & allowed us to completely fall in love & bond with this little guy! As a women I think I will always want to know what it is like to have a daughter, and I might never find out what it is like; but what I do know is, that I trust in my Heavenly Father and I have 3 amazing little men in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything!

So I guess what I am saying is that when we are walking through things that we can't understand or comprehend, we have to just totally surrender ourselves in trusting the "One" who has our best interest & desires planned out before we ever existed!